….Six? Hey Wait a Minute!
People laugh when they see me counting my children in public. It may even go so far as to perpetuate some of the negative stereotypes many have of men as bungling and inept fathers. Guys seemingly overwhelmed at the prospect of having to actually spend time with their children. I don’t really care what they think. One of my assigned daily jobs is loss prevention. I’m charged the lives of five wonderful children and my goal each day is to see to it that five wonderful children are safely tucked into their beds at night.
However, I would like to offer that my obsession with counting my children does have it’s benefits. Advantages if you will. I was reminded yesterday of Zander’s first haircut. 
As is the norm, all five kids and I had piled into the van and headed off to Cookie Cutter Kids. This place is fantastic! As soon as you walk into the door you are greeted my an enormous indoor slide and climbing apparatus. My kids went berserk!
In the back, where the actual work takes place, kids get to choose from a variety of seats (airplane, race car, helicopter, motorcycle, etc.) all facing their very own video screen. These people have it down to an art. The kid is totally at ease and could care less what you are doing to their hair. And as a bonus, you are not so torn between standing at your child’s side and having to coral the others because they are equally as entertained. All the way around my kids love going to get their hair cut.
Haircut having been completed I began the task of rounding up the kids. “Let’s go troops!” I said motioning towards the door and the kids, for the most part, gathered and began to file out. I say for the most part because it’s a little bit like herding cats. As we start to make our way across the parking lot to the van I begin, “One, two, three, four, five, six?….Hey, wait a minute! You’re not mine.”
Seems my tone may have been a bit commanding when gathering the troops and this one scared but obedient little boy filed right in with my kids. I quickly ushered him back into the store to his parents (yeah, plural) who had not even missed him. So, yeah, I count my kids. It has it’s advantages.
Hilarious! Like you need one more! And I LOVE that cookie cutters place. We just went there for the first time for X’s most recent haircut and he loved it – like you said, it was so fun he didn’t even realize he was getting a haircut which, in the past, has brought tears when I had mentioned going to the barber. When we left cookie cutters, he said “Can I get my haircut tomorrow?”
Now that is funny! I can see it now when they ask how much do you want taken off and you have to say–”Just about an eighth of an inch we’re going to be back tomorrow and the next day to finish it up.”
If you had more, I’d love to see you work on the whole Z thing…
Oh lord, I can’t imagine walking out with more than my own. I did take my oldest and 12 of her closest friends to the movies for her bday last year. And thoroughly embarrassed her by counting them when it was time to leave. But I’m a mom, embarrassment is part of my job.
Oh no! Picking up an extra one is a hazard eh?
Great story Ed. Hopefully you didn’t have to pay for the extra kid too!
I totally count. And I only have one (so far).
Oh no! I do not need to pick up any extra kids! I can barely handle the two I have now!
Maybe he was skipping out on a haircut.
It’s poetry, man. Poetry.
They say if you’re not embarassing your children you’re not doing your job right.
It was funny how willingly he followed. Scary almost.
He was still pretty nappy. I think he was waiting his turn.
Between you and me, I’ve lost em when I only had one!
He was pretty obedient. More than I can say for mine!
I think he was trying to work an in on a free meal. He heard let’s go eat and his chubby little tummy took over his brain.
I think it’s hysterical that the guy outnumbered 5 to 1 managed to do a better job keeping track of his kids than the parents that almost lost theirs. Ha!
Good thing you counted. Otherwise, this would have started the conversation at your house that evening: “Honey, you’ll never guess what I got at the mall today!”
Oh gosh! I’m glad you noticed him in the parking lot. I’ve never corraled 5 kids on my own, but I’m not sure if I’d notice the 6th one!
Too funny man! Did the “extra” kid’s parents fell like total dumb arses?
I like Cookie Cutters too. Ace has only had one haircut and we took him there. I’m sure once he gets a bit older he’ll LOVE to go get his hair cut there!
The kid probably thought he was going on a field trip with the class!
The last time my son got a haircut not from me was at a Toys R Us. He got pissed and threw himself forward in the fire engine seat and bloodied his nose on the steering wheel. Never would go back so I bought clippers and trim him up at home now.
They were pretty aloof to begin with. I don’t think it phased them.
I’m not so sure she would be all that upset.
I’d have definitely caught it by the time I ran out of seats in the van.
Totally unphased. Man, some people!
He heard food and completely went on instinct!
Toys R Us gives haircuts??
That is too funny. I’m gonna watch my kid a little more carefully next time someone with a gaggle of kids is nearby.
I think it best. Kids seem drawn to disorder and chaos. Hence—me!
Ed that was HILARIOUS!!!! You must be such the drill sergeant, that poor little guy!
Sorta sad that his folks didn’t even notice he was missing, though. Mind you, that could happen in a blink of an eye, scary that thought.
LOL, luckily I haven’t picked up a stray myself yet, but I do the same thing!