Little m Long a

Gabba gabba hey, gabba gabba hey!

“Man,” I thought. “What cool kids I’ve got.” They were sitting in the living room engrossed in what I thought was a rock-u-mentary chronicling the storied punk rock band, The Ramones. I could hear them chanting—Gabba, gabba.

Cool! I sat down to catch the program myself. Granted, I’m not a huge Ramones fan but I appreciate their music and I figured a documentary about them would surely be pretty interesting.

“That’s not Joey Ramone,” I said to no one in particular and everyone just the same.

“Who’s Joe? Dad, that’s DJ Lance.”

“What in the world are you guys watching?” I asked a little heartbroken, my pride bubble having just been exploded with the visage of my kids engrossed with a group of fuzzy puppets gett’n jiggy wit a DJ in a furry orange fez.

“Dad!! It’s Yo Gabba Gabba!” they collectively shouted at me, insinuating “be quiet and let us watch the show!”

I sat. I watched. In silence. In stunned disbelief.

Halfway through the show I felt as if I had just dropped acid and it was starting to kick in. Or maybe the shrooms were turning on me. Either way, this trip was getting freaky!

Have you seen this show? Wild ride, man! Wild. Ride. This guy, DJ Lance takes you on a journey each day with his fuzzy, puppet-like buddies: Muno the red cyclops, Foofa the pink flower bubble, Brobee the little green one, Toodee the blue cat-dragon and Plex the robot. I’m not making this up!  I’m not that imaginative.

Each episode focuses on a theme pertinent to kids and communicates that message with pithy repetitive dialogue and beatbox based music.

At one point in the show, DJ Lance hands a plastic bag to one of the Gabbas and the music starts—Try it, you’ll like it! Try it, you’ll like it! Over and over and over. He was trying to get the Gabba to try a new snack–avocado.  Really!  What kid eats avocado??!!  I could swear though, that he handed the dude a dime bag and then relentlessly goaded him into sparking one up.

And that’s how it all starts. Some happy dude in a fuzzy hat hands you a baggie and says, “First one’s on me, kid. Go ahead, it’s all good!”

During another segment, one of the Gabbas drops a piece of bread on the ground. Immediately he stoops to get it and is about to eat it when the scene flashes to the microbes on the bread who start a loop of their own–”We’re tiny! We’ll make you sick! We’re tiny! We’ll make you sick!”

Whatever happened to the five second rule? Jeez! I mean, around here, unless you drop your food in the toilet, it’s still edible. Pick it up. Wipe it off. And eat it.  Good Lord!  Do you know what a loaf of bread costs these days?

I guess the final frontier of absolute weirdness came during the Cool Talents section of the program. Picture flashed to a guy who played Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.

By squeezing his clasped hands together.

Making fart sounds.

Key of G, I think it was.

Now I’m about appreciating a good stupid human trick, but not during my kids programming. It’s a bit too much to swallow.

My advice to you. If you dare to partake of the trippy ride that is Yo Gabba Gabba, bring a safety buddy. Trust me, you do not want to be alone when it turns on you.  Come to think of it, you may also want a safety buddy when partaking of the wild ride that is Joey Ramone.