I’m the Sort of Thing They Ban
So I’m in the car, as I often am, and I’m listening to the radio, as I often do. I’m a participatory listener in so much that if there’s music playing, chances are I’m tapping my foot or pounding out the rhythm on the steering wheel. I’m usually singing along. And on a really good day, there’s head bobbing.
Today was a good day.
The sun was shining this morning and my resolve to will spring’s arrival seemed to be working. I’ve done things to make sure that spring will be here in very short order.
Tangible things.
Noticeable things.
I shaved the beard. Actually, I had it shaved. Remember the Karmic List of Good Things for Ed to Do (or something like that)? It’s not a bucket list. Bucket lists have certain connotations of finality. I’m not there yet. Karmic goodness is enduring.
So I decided a few months ago that one of the things I should include on my Karmic List of Goodness should be a straight edge shave when it came time to get rid of the beard. Blood loss and excruciating burning aside, it was an overall pretty cool experience.
But certainly not life changing. But it’s done and I can scratch it from the list.
As I said though, tangible things. The sun was shining this morning so I donned a Hawaiian shirt and some summer loafers. I sent the kids to school sans jackets.
It’s colder than it looks outside.
Like — it was 20 degrees when I sent the kids to school this morning. Without their coats. (I’m just making sure my name stays near the top of the list for Parent of the Year.) But hey, the sun was out so it’s all good. Right?
Back to the scene in the car. Sun… shining…, there’s a bounce in my step and a smile on my face. The radio is on. That Sting-feller is warning me not to mess with him or he’ll blow me up. Or something like that. I’ve pulled the trifecta of participatory listening.
I come to a stop, because the light is red and it’s what I’m supposed to do, and notice an elderly woman in the car next to me bobbing along in a sweet syncopated rhythm that fits perfectly to the beat I’ve got surrounding me in my car. “No way! There’s no way this old lady is also listening to The Police,” I think to myself.
We make eye contact and I smile, bobbing just a bit more exaggerated now as I feel we’ve connected on some weird multi-generational level. For a moment we bob along together. I pretend to play the bass and look to her anticipating an accompanying high hat ride or crash cymbal.
And then it hits me. We are not listening to the same song. Fact is, I doubt very seriously that she was listening to the radio.
She had Parkinson’s.
ED! No, no you didn’t! So much for your good karma…at least your heart was in the right place. Maybe you should grow the beard back and burn that shirt so no one knows it was you?
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Ed Reply:
March 5th, 2010 at 6:15 am
Maybe she had Alzheimer’s, too and wont’ remember.
hehehehe
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Ed Reply:
March 5th, 2010 at 6:17 am
I had to laugh at myself as well.
Soooo been there. Never had anything of my shaved.
Uh, by another person, that is.
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Ed Reply:
March 5th, 2010 at 6:18 am
I recommend the shave. Gets you in touch with your inner Clint Eastwood.
I’m just so happy this happened to you. Because it’s worse than when I asked my neighbor if she was still pregnant, when she wasn’t. Or when I told my cousin I thought Beanie Baby collectors were idiots, and it turned out she was one. Now I can say, “At least that wasn’t as bad as when Ed made fun of the Parkinson’s lady.”
Ed Reply:
March 5th, 2010 at 6:19 am
They won’t let me volunteer at the senior center any more.
Oh Ed, seriously, you do this stuff just for blog fodder. I am on to you!
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Ed Reply:
March 5th, 2010 at 6:22 am
It would be so much less embarrassing if I had an imagination and could just make stuff up. Unfortunately, I’m just an idiot but willing to share.
Classic.
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Ed Reply:
March 5th, 2010 at 6:23 am
I’ll never again listen to Demolition Man without remembering this.
Oh man! I was NOT expecting that!
[cringing nervous laughter...]
And I’m telling myself you meant 20 degrees Celsius lest I come over all worrisome and look like a wimp.
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Ed Reply:
March 5th, 2010 at 12:12 pm
Nope — it was Fahrenheit.
That, my friend, is comedy gold.
Ed Reply:
March 5th, 2010 at 12:14 pm
I actually felt kind of bad, but it was hard for anyone to notice what with the laughing at myself.
LMAO! That was said in some ways but very funny too!
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Ed Reply:
March 5th, 2010 at 12:15 pm
I’m just glad I was alone in the car so I wouldn’t have to explain to my kids why I was making fun of old people.
My sinuses are now cleared up thanks to the hot coffee that I just spewed out my nose laughing at you! Hilarious!
Ed Reply:
March 5th, 2010 at 12:16 pm
I’m the new antihistamine.
Dumb ass.
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Ed Reply:
March 5th, 2010 at 12:17 pm
Deservedly so.
LMAO!
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Ed Reply:
March 7th, 2010 at 8:46 am
You know the people you pass who are just laughing in their car and on one is with them? they’re not crazy — they’re me!
When the sun shows up in Ohio in March, it can make us all do strange things. I thought about getting out my swim suit yesterday. Forty degrees be damned!
But, I’ve never made fun of someone’s Parkinson’s. That? Is just WRONG!
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Ed Reply:
March 7th, 2010 at 8:47 am
I’m going to hell!
This is a true story – many years ago when I was in the construction business one of our architects had Parkinsons – do I need to go any further ?
You can recognise the houses he designed all over the North East, that wavy-wall concept never really took off though.
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Ed Reply:
March 7th, 2010 at 8:48 am
I can see the sales pitch now. Client: “These walls aren’t plumb.” You: “Yes, but there’s plumbing in every wall!”
Can people with Parkinson’s actually drive? Wouldn’t it be hard to stay on the road? Are you sure you saw the DRIVER of the car and not an old lady dashboard Bobblehead? Wow.
Ed Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 6:01 am
She was, in fact, the front seat passenger. Or it could have been a very large bobble-head.
MGM Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 10:34 am
OH! I didn’t consider that she was in the passenger seat! LOL! When I think of bobbin’ to the music, I tend to think that it’s usually drivers who do that. Guess it can be passengers, too! Or they could just have Parkinson’s.
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