I Imagine Tonight…..
I closed my eyes last night as the images of people cheering filled the television screen. Crowds by the thousands were gathering. Flags were being waved. A man is dead and collectively we celebrate. I’m not quite sure how I’m supposed to feel about that.
“We don’t kill! We don’t hurt! That is not who we are and it is not what we are about!”
I exasperatedly spoke these exact words to my children just this past weekend as one of the games they were playing was apparently getting out of hand.
I count myself fortunate — extremely fortunate — that the events of the past decade have only tangentially affected my life. I watched buildings collapse and people perish as my daughter made busy with toys and the concerns of a child in front of it all. I watched as neighbors, second-hand acquaintances and even friends left their homes, their families and their security to protect me and mine. My children are growing up in a time of perpetual war — and yet are summarily unaffected by it. Their days and weeks are filled with the worries of themselves. They have asked little and I’ve offered less in explanation. I really have none.
I’d like to think that this means it’s over.
I’d like to.
Simple as I may be though, I’m not naive. A man is dead, and justifiably so, but I have a hard time believing that this means tomorrow will hold any more promise than today. I also have a difficult time convincing myself that I should be celebrating. The world is different. Uncertainty tinged with a bit of fear will continue to cloud the mundane issues of my daily existence.
There is still homework to check, softball games and soccer practices to attend. Piano recitals and gymnastics classes. The laundry will still need folding, dinners will still need to be prepared. And I’ll still be paying $4 a gallon to fill my car with gas. I’ll keep on.
I slept last night much in the same manner as I have for the past ten years — comfortably. I imagine tonight will be no different.
(I really have no idea where this post was going or what I actually intended to say but somehow felt it necessary to put something down. Anything, I guess. I am now and forever will be thankful to those men and women of our armed forces that give ultimately of themselves so that I can simply continue on. I am very fortunate, indeed. )
I agree with your sentiments. I live in a country with mandatory draft. Have one son who is soldier and another soon to be drafted. I believe in protecting yourself. I also believe that hate produces more hate and one act of hate or kindness ripples a thousand fold.
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Ed Reply:
May 2nd, 2011 at 5:20 pm
Here’s to the ripples that produce kindness — and the safety of your children.
I think I feel relief, but I can’t bring myself to cheer. Maybe because I’m fortunate enough not to have been the man’s direct victim. Justice is complex, and I think if we really consider it, justice is cause for grief. Grief for the original offense, grief for what had to be done. Grief that things weren’t as they were supposed to be all along.
Ed Reply:
May 2nd, 2011 at 5:22 pm
Very well said.
I also feel a sense of grief that things will never be as they were before. The landscape of our daily existence has been forever changed.
It changes things a bit. It shows that justice will be had eventually, even if it doesn’t make us safer today. And now we see he was still planning new attacks. Better he can’t do that anymore.
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