Little m Long a » Faith

the table has been set

Ed — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 21:57:40 +0000

It’s funny how certain things, things that have been in your possession for years, things that had no particular significance when they came into your being other than that they just were, can all of a sudden hold deep meaning. Importance. Relevance.

St. Francis of Assisi

I’ve had this tile of St. Francis for years. About 12 years, actually. Maura and I had picked this up when we were looking for remodeling ideas for the tiny kitchen of the very first house we bought. It never was used but I thought it was kind of cool so I fastened a little hanger to it’s back and it’s been hanging on the walls in our kitchens ever since.

Come Easter, it will finally have meaning. To me, at least.

This Easter, for the first time in well, ever, my wife and I will share a meal together.

The meal.

Together.

You know, sometimes we start off on a journey not realizing we’re going anywhere. We just walk. And plod. At times we’ll run, but not a lot because it hurts our knees and makes us sweaty. And smelly. And feel like puking. Sometimes our direction is focused. Other times it’s just bizarre and misguided.

After years of what had seemed to be aimless wandering we reach a destination only to realize that we’ve actually been walking with a purpose for quite some time. We look back, reflecting on the paths we’ve traveled, and epiphanies glow, brightly illuminated with the awareness of what we’ve accomplished.

This year I am participating in the season of Lent for the first time. Well, for the first time with a purpose. It means something this year, more than it ever has. And I am sharing the experience with my family making it all the richer.

Maura gave up Starbucks for Lent.

And Diet Coke.

She’s been a real peach to be around lately.

My son gave up television. It’s been a remarkable sacrifice as he’s the only one in the family to do so. He has not complained once. Just finds other things to do.

Zoë is trying to help more around the house, taking on the evening dishes and kitchen duty. I’m hoping she develops a greater appreciation of what it means to apply yourself whole-heartedly to something that is not necessarily a pleasant chore.

And me?

What am I giving up?

I’m giving up being a Baptist.

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Lines Drawn

Ed — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 04:13:57 +0000

This is bigger than me. And it’s bigger than my level of comprehension or understanding. I’m not so sure I’d want it any other way. I suppose in a way, it’s good. In order for it to have appeal there has to be an element of intrigue, of mystery. It’s what drives me and pushes me on. It’s what makes me ask. It’s what makes me care.

Truth be told, it’s bigger than all of us—still, all good.

We’ve got to trust that what we’re doing will eventually move us toward understanding–not full, just better–and the understanding will lead to community.

Difficult words for rigid mindsets. Staid tenets unwilling or unaccepting will always be divisive. Caustic and ever eroding, widening chasms to the point that a bridge is not only unfeasible but unattainable. Determinations need be made regarding the value of that fight.

My time in this is for me, to the extraneous. It is also for those whom I hold close. I will not assume your position nor shall I eschew mine. To do so would be contrary to my essence and detrimental to the values that I hold to be true.

By design, our ideologies should be converging, moving towards a mutual understanding. A mutual acceptance.

They are not.

And I’m not gonna fight about it. Because this is bigger than us and I am better than that.

Fortunately, I do not answer to you–nor you I.

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A Classic Revisited

Ed — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 06:05:31 +0000

It’s easy to become so totally absorbed in the holiday season that we lose focus, the ability to just step back for a minute or two and ask ourselves why are we doing all of this? Bows, ribbons, packages, cards, lights, trees, family get togethers, Christmas carols and music programs…….Really? What’s our motivation? What’s it all about?

Thank you, Linus Van Pelt.

Originally posted 12/24/2007. Regardless of the hectic and trying nature that is the Holiday Season, I shall never tire of this classic. I appreciate each year the focus Charlie Brown provides me. The simplicity is warming, reassuring and just what I need when it seems that the season is slipping from my control.

Merry Christmas and Peace from all of our family to you and yours.

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The Journey

Sun, 03 May 2009 06:41:00 +0000

Friendships are initiated with little more than a nod or a common lingering glance. A shared interest in purple. Companionships are formed more slowly. Over time, as conversations expand in depth and significance. Interests are shared, goals mutual.

Relationships are formed of necessity. Of proximity. Of intrigue. Of desire. Many of these bonds, over the course of a lifetime, will continue to strengthen yet others will simply crumble and wither away. We cling to what we can, cherish what we’ve got and try not to waste energy on what is forgotten.

Today I observed. A father. Proud.

I watched as my daughter. My first-born.

My Zoë.

Received her first communion.

She was beautiful as was the ceremony. I watched her glow as she spoke with her classmates, with the parents of her classmates, with the priest, with total strangers. No apprehension or timidity was evident. She was confident and comfortable. Happy to be in a place with friends and family. Content with exactly who she is.

It will truly be a day she will never forget.
She continues to take steps on a journey that will last a lifetime. At least that is my wish for her. My desire for her. For I know all too well how tenuous a relationship with faith can be. It takes work and sometimes the work is not so easy. It’s not uncommon to question it’s merit.

But the work is rewarding and it does have merit. There is little in this world more valuable than our faith and the relationship we form through it. Zoë is learning that in an exciting way.

My hope is that when the pageantry is over, her faith will hold just as strong. I don’t need to worry about the beauty part.

She’s got that pretty well locked up.

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I’m Not Sure that Counts

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 18:01:00 +0000

Zane: Hey, Dad? Can we start going to church a little more often?

Me: Well, sure. I suppose that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. Why do you ask, though?

Zane: Because, Lent starts tomorrow and I just thought it would be a good thing to do for Lent.

Me: (Thinking about what a good kid he is.) You’re absolutely right. We should make an effort to go to church more often. So Lent, huh?

Zane: Yeah.

Me: So, Zane—-What are you giving up for Lent?

Zane: (Pausing just a moment to think, looked up with a sincere smile and proudly announced…) CARROTS!

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Listen to the Boy–He Knows

Sat, 20 Dec 2008 22:38:00 +0000

Thank you, Linus Van Pelt.

God Bless and Merry Christmas to you and yours from me and mine.
Here’s to a year of promise, prosperity and peace.

(Originally posted 12/24/2007. Regardless of the hectic and trying nature that is the Holiday Season, I shall never tire of this classic. I appreciate each year the focus Charlie Brown provides me. The simplicity is warming, reassuring and just what I need when it seems that the season is slipping from my control.)

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I Want to See Christmas

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 19:05:00 +0000

I want to believe. In anything. I want to blindly accept that there is mystery and wonderment and that by simply trusting it to be so I will be enriched. I want to know that my trust, my faith is not for naught. I want to expose emotion without fear of embarrassment or consequence. I want to get excited about sparkly lights and candy canes.

Invariably, I tend to get caught up in everything that the holiday season is not. Each year I tell myself that I will do better. Be better. And each year I find myself re-applying failed formulas expecting new and wondrous results. I’ll tell myself, “not this year!” only to be disappointed with…well, me.

I’m supposed to be the leader, the responsible one, charged with imparting knowledge and wisdom to my children. The thing is, no one has ever explained that to them. Good thing. For they are pretty damn good teachers in their own right.

This year, I want to see Christmas the way my kids do.

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Sunday Sonnets–I Seek Simplicity

Ed — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 20:25:00 +0000

Zoë and her mother spent the better part of last evening looking at dresses. They oohed and ahhed over each new find noting differences and similarities in the ones that they liked. An innocuous exercise on the surface yet shockingly harsh in it’s reality. Painful in it’s intents as I came to realize that try as I may, I am powerless. I attempt to control, to steer, to guide, to shape, and to mold the lives of my children with a vision of what I believe to be good and honorable. I instruct and chastise, comfort and soothe. As a parent, I am provider and a source.

Yesterday I came to realize the infinitesimally small amount of control that I actually have. Time has far more power and I am defenseless to it. Whether or not I am ready, my children are growing up. You see, yesterday evening Zoë and her mother spent the better part of two hours looking for a First Communion Dress. The harsh realities of the situation humbled me. It has also inspired this week’s Sunday Sonnets.

I Seek Simplicity

Like it or else, time does wait.
Our children grow though we resist.
Their minds ever expanding as the world
In which they live continues to grow smaller

Objects become concepts and pat
Answers are no longer acceptable as
Explanation of the ordinary.
My kids are growing up.

Haughty, my spirit is lifted as once
Impossible tasks are now ordinary.
Rudimentary conversation is replaced
With provocation and depth.

Time matures us, teaches and molds, not me.
I long for the comfort of simplicity.

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40 Days…..

Ed — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 04:22:00 +0000

Five minutes, maybe longer. That’s all I took, honest. After breakfast this morning I took just a short constitutional to the family library. Don’t be impressed. Remember the little hovel of a bedroom that Harry Potter had under the staircase in his uncle’s house? Yeah, think that but smaller. It’s got a light, a lavatory and a seat that is quite comfortable and best of all the door locks. It’s one of the few locking doors in the house. This morning’s read, a magazine or sales flyer, back of a tissue box, whatever else may be within arms reach and a cup of coffee. Five minutes. Then I would be off to the tasks of the day. My list was quite extensive and there would be little time for dilly dally.

The twins, had other plans.

This was not on my list today. Are they trying to tell me something?

In other news….The Lenten Season begins tomorrow. Ash Wednesday. As is tradition in the Catholic faith, or so I’m told, Lent represents the 40 day liturgical season of fasting and prayer before Easter the purpose being preparation through prayer, penitence, alms giving and self denial. It represents the 40 days that Christ spent alone in the desert fasting, praying and enduring the temptations of the devil. Throughout history the season of Lent has been one of tightly held traditions. For the non-Catholic I’m sure it brings to mind little more than the phrase, “So, what are you giving up for Lent?”, the exact question I posed to my children this afternoon.

Zoë, after giving the matter considerable thought decided to give up candy and sweets. More discussion among the kids and Zane eventually relented.

“OK. I’ll give up candy, too”, he said.

“So, Zia. What are you going to give up for Lent?” I asked.

(Long pause.)

“I’m going to give up…….

TOOTHPASTE.”

It’s going to be a long 40 days.

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The wisdom of Linus…..

Ed — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 10:00:00 +0000

It’s easy to become so totally absorbed in the holiday season that we lose focus, the ability to just step back for a minute or two and ask ourselves why are we doing all of this? Bows, ribbons, packages, cards, lights, trees, family get togethers, Christmas carols and music programs…….Really? What’s our motivation? What’s it all about?

Thank you, Linus Van Pelt.

God Bless and Merry Christmas to you and yours from me and mine. Here’s to a year of promise, prosperity and peace.

See ya in January!

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