I suppose when compared to varied celebratory events that take place in a child’s life during the normal course of a year, the fact that any kid can get excited about commemorating the milestone of having successfully completed another year of existence is absolutely amazing. Let’s start with the two big ones. Gift occasions, that is. You’ve got Christmas and Easter. Then there’s Valentines Day. Oh, and Halloween
(not so much a gift occasion but I have to believe that the dispensation of immeasurable quantities of processed sugar for having to do nothing more than recite a pithy line, “Trick or Treat!” has got to rank real high on any kid scale of favorite holidays.) And I didn’t even mention that you get to actually be Belle or Jasmine or Captain America. Little known Halloween fact that the costume actually manifests your child’s fantasies. Yes, Halloween is a big one. July Fourth celebrations can be quite pleasing, a truly enjoyable family time. And let’s not forget about some of the lesser billed holidays like Columbus Day, Arbor Day, Ground Hog Day, Bastille Day and Earth Day. There’s the county fair and the state fair. Annual festivals. Sprinkle in some siblings’ birthdays, cousin’s birthdays and a classmate or two’s birthday and you’ve pretty much given yourself an excuse to spoil your kid rotten at least once during each and every month of the year. That being said, there is nothing quite so exciting to a young child as a their very own birthday. That one day of the year that is exclusively their’s. We have all experienced the joys that come with trying to teach a toddler how to share so when a day actually comes along that belongs only to them and no one else, it’s special. Yesterday was my third Z’s day.
My middle Z, Zia, turned three years old on Saturday. It was her day to shine. Finally, there was a day all about her, something she lobbies for quite verdantly on just about every other day of the year. I know she’s the middle child and that this type of behavior is pretty much to be expected, but the girl is relentless. To say that Zia and I have the best relationship would probably be stretching things just a tad. Adversarial is the term that usually comes to mind. I can’t quite explain it but Zia seems be able to elicit the absolute worst personality traits I possess. Traits that I never even knew I had or those that I thought were buried way deep she has dredged right to the surface and splayed them open for all to see. I have embarrassed myself in front of family, friends and total strangers. She’s not malicious. She does not possess a callus bone or thought in her tiny little body. There’s just something about her inability to cope with difficult or adverse situations and her total body meltdown during these times that causes me to act like a fool. I’m the guy at the hypnotist show that acts like a monkey when he hears the word ruby red rutabaga. The one that said, “Oh, this hypnosis thing is all bunk!” and, “He’ll never hypnotize me.” I just can’t seem to help myself, I’m under some strange spell. The sad thing is that the damn hypnotist forgot to undo the spell and worse yet, sent me home with a three year old that only knows how to say ruby red rutabaga. I suppose we both have a barrier, a wall so to speak; her inability to appropriately cope with difficult situations and my inability to appropriately respond to her inability to appropriately cope with difficult situations. The cycle is not only vicious, it’s absurd.
Yesterday, I was able to start chipping away on my side of the wall. Tearing down the fence, if you will. How, you may be asking? Alone time with the enemy. That’s right, I met my demons face to face, mano a mano. A scared stiff 42 year old mature father of 5 face to face with a fearless (and quite strikingly, cute) curly haired 3 year old little girl. With five kids it’s difficult to have alone time with any of them. I am taking at least two to most events, but generally my three oldest so when a one on one opportunity arises it’s a rare occasion. Such was the case yesterday with my little birthday girl. My wife has scheduled several classes at our local Children’s Museum for the express purpose of giving Zia one on one time with us. By us I actually mean she gets to take Zia to these classes. God, it feels good to actually be able to reverse the meaning of that term, even if it is just this once. Anyone who is, has been or is even thinking about being in a relationship for any length of time surely realizes that when a woman says, “we need to …..” what she really means is, “you need to …..” So my wife usually takes Zia to these classes but because of a work snafu was unable to attend.
My wife gets her work schedule a month in advance. On the day it came out, I immediately called her to let her know she had been scheduled to work on Zia’s birthday right in the middle of her class at the museum. My stomach was in knots. Without hesitation she simply said, “you’ll have to take her.” That hamster in my brain immedialetly jumped on the treadmill. “But what about Zoë’s ballet practice?” “Zane has soccer practice.” “Who’s going to watch the twins?” “What’s your sister doing?” “Don’t I have to get the tires on the van rotated?” “I was going to learn how to play canasta!” “Won’t somebody please just shoot me?” “My God, don’t make me do this!!!” What my wife said next made me feel about as low and ashamed as I may have felt, ever. Again, in her simply stated, black and white world tone of voice she said, “It will be good for both of you. She’s your daughter.” And snap, you are now awake! The spell had been broken. The sad part is that I completely remember every part of acting the fool.
She was absolutely right. She always is. (That really hurt to say.) Zia and I had the best time together at the Children’s Museum. I’m not quite sure we could have squeezed more fun into the afternoon if we had tried. There was painting and reading, skipping, singing, laughing and all manner of merriment. We made butter and mixed the ingredients for bean soup. The Children’s Museum had some birthday stickers and I was able to make sure that everyone we saw knew that today was Zia’s day. She could not have been happier. And I was able to break a hole in the wall large enough to see my little girl for exactly what she is, an extremely intelligent, bright, energetic, adorably cute, warm, caring, happy and absolutely lovable three year old.
We met the rest of the family later that evening at the soccer stadium to continue the theme of “All About Zia.” Zia continued to beam and the family had a blast. Our team even won it’s first game. All in all the day could not have been better. The most fun I had though, was spending time alone with my little girl, a former foe turned ally. Happy Birthday Zia, I love you!
