Little m Long a

But this is who I am:

1. Every person in my family is named George–except me. Brothers (2) middle name–George. Dad’s first name–George. Grandparents last name–George. Mom’s maiden name–George. Aunt, uncle, cousins–George. Not me. I’m Edward Everett. Not even close to George. I was named after both of my Grandmothers.

2. My father died when I was 2 years old. I don’t remember the man. At all. My brother says that’s not such a bad thing. My mother loved him dearly. I’m not quite sure who to believe.

3. I used to sing–I’m not a musician. My brother is. Best bass player I have ever heard. Ever. He’s the kind of musician that when he plays, you can tell he feels the music and by extension draws you into it with him. I admire him greatly.

4. I used to paint–I’m not an artist. My mom was. Self taught. She used to sit for hours and paint these beautiful works sometimes taking weeks or months to complete. Then, she’d just give them away. She was the strongest person I had ever known and I miss her a lot.

5. Alzheimer’s has caused me to question my entire belief system.

6. I have acrophobia. Textbook. It is paralyzing. I wish I didn’t because my gutters really need to be cleaned.

7. I think I may suffer the adult equivalent of attention deficit disorder. I start countless projects and leave them half…..

8. Guilty pleasure–America’s Funniest Videos. Without fail, I will laugh at least once during any given episode. There’s just something about watching some poor sap take it in the nut sack or fall off a roof that always makes me smile.

9. Guilty pleasure #2–The bakery at our local grocer makes a delicious peanut butter cookie, soft with peanut chunks. Yum. I like to spread a nice thick layer of peanut butter between two of them and make it a peanut butter sandwich cookie (or three). Salmonella does not scare me!

10. My high school had 3 principals (a head and 2 assistants). During my tenure there, I had the great pleasure of visiting each of them.

11. The first car I ever owned was a POS Volkswagon Beetle. It broke down on me more times than I could count. Taught me a lot about cars and the value of a good mechanic. After probably the 15th repair on the damn thing I sold it to a buddy thinking good riddance. He drove it all through college and then some and never had the first bit of trouble with it. God, I miss that car!

12. I gambled AND LOST the money to cover a check for the down payment on the first car I bought after graduating from college. In high school for a math class, I wrote a paper on the probability of winning dice games. As I seem to recall now, it is pretty low.

13. I abhor arrogance. Seriously. I can find something good in just about every single person I meet but arrogance sends me into a near blind rage.

14. Strangers have always felt comfortable speaking to me. Opening up. Personal shit that I really don’t need or want to know. But they do it. All the time. Like I’m a good buddy and I care. I don’t care, but I smile and nod and they feel better thinking they’ve found a friend.

15. I have a pretty cool telescope. 10″ reflector. I’ll never forget the first time I saw the rings of Saturn or the moons of Jupiter through it. The Orion Nebula or the Andromeda galaxy. Talk about giving perspective to insignificance. I need to set it up more often.

16. My younger brother and I are polar opposites. Honest! He is the exact opposite of me in just about every way. We got into a pretty heated argument after the election. We don’t talk very much anymore.

17. Oh…Guilty pleasure #3–Grape Nuts. With lots of sugar. I love a big bowl late at night. I may go through a box a week. Constipation is not a problem with me.

18. Much to my wife’s dismay, I cut my own hair. Once, every two or three years. I just shave it off and start over. It’s usually after a succession of bad hair days. My hair grows very slowly! Generally, I miss it when it’s gone.

19. I have always dreamed of owning and running a restaurant. My problem is that I seldom follow the recipes and never remember what I put into a dish. Meal replication is practically impossible.

20. I have learned that if you want to make a six year old laugh–say booger or butt. That’s really all it takes. I have also learned that it is impossible to reason with a two year old. Don’t try it. It is futile!

21. I am nearly out of vices having laid to rest some pretty destructive ones.

22. I do not consider coffee a vice. Coffee is a life-sustaining nectar and is more dangerous out of my system than in it. Trust me on this.

24. I have five children. Zoë (8), Zane (7), Zia (5), Zella and Zander (twins, 3). Next to my wife, they bring me more pure joy than anything in this world. I count myself the luckiest person in the world to be able to stay at home with them. Without a doubt, though it is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life–but surely the most satisfying. And I owe it all to my wife, the hardest working, most patient and understanding woman in the world.

25. I used to worry about my mark, my impact on the world and how I was going to be remembered. You know — the whole 15 minutes of fame thing. Now I realize that my legacy, my mark, is my children. It really doesn’t matter what the rest of the world thinks or remembers of me, rather, what my children think of me and the impact they will have on the world I have presented to them. So now I worry that I’m going to fuck that up!

My name is Ed Lamaze, that’s with a Little m Long a, and this is my life.