I suppose the most compelling reason for me to hate Ohio winters is that they are not Louisiana winters.  Though I’m not really sure that you can call a winter in Louisiana winter.  It’s more like a harsh autumn with a smattering of “it’s almost cold enough for a jacket today”.

I’ve been water-skiing in April in Louisiana.  Early April.  Now don’t get me wrong, it was cold.  Seriously cold, but we went anyway because that’s what high school boys do with their free time rather than entertaining the well thought out and the logical.   Shrinkage issues aside and the possible  irreversible damage that may have occurred we had a good time.

Back to winter in Ohio and the reason of the day.

Static electricity.

Holy shit, that stuff is wicked!  Five little kids in sock feet running around firing off charges every time they touch or hug me.  Many a shock made all the worse because two of my little charged particle spreaders are junk height.  Let me just say, my new flannel pj’s are warm and toasty but provide very little protection from the high voltage jolts the kids seem so thrilled to give me.

These days I’m as jumpy as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

The other day I was sorting a load of laundry, completely unaware of the mega-charge I was forming in the pile.  With each turned garment the silent charge grew.  Eventually the charge outgrew the pile and went in search of a new host.  It found my right nipple.

Damn thing shocked me so hard it knocked out one of my contacts.  I may have even piddled.

It’s December 28.  Winter has officially begun.  We’ve just had our first decent snow and the kids could not be more excited.  And me?  My balls and nipples are killing me!!

It’s going to be a long winter.